Carmen San Diego has nothing on me

I've been missing again. I know, I'm so horrible. I've had a rough go of it this past year and I'm still going through it. I've been slipping in and out of depression due to a traumatic event that happened the end of 2018 (that fantastic guy I raved about turned out to be a pussy (ie afraid of commitment). He waited until right before the holidays and before our 3 yr anniversary to leave. If you know you're a commitment phobe and it's not going anywhere, why put someone through that pain and misery? 3 years was a commitment of you being sweet and caring guy on the outside, but a pussy ass bitch on the inside. I just don't get why he let it go on for 3 years if he knew...Whatever.

Every day is different for me and it's a shitty roller coaster I want to get off of. I went through a major weight loss from the depression/not eating. I had no appetite and I think I went 14 days of not eating anything. It was bad. Real bad. My real job (9-5) has been the only thing that has kept my mind busy. It's been nonstop OT so I've kept busy, but when I'm not busy, I'm watching tv...instead of writing...to numb my brain/pain. Well that's not true. I've journaled, but not written in any of my manuscripts. I always hope to get to it, but never do. I'm consistently tired. My life pretty much consists of sleep, work, attempt to parent, sleep, work, eat...

I did release a short story on Amazon under a different name. My truth about my 2nd marriage and what I did as I exited it to put me in a better position. Helpful tips and some disgusting/funny morsels of info.

I'm trying to update some things and get my life back on track. It's easier said than done, but my house is finally starting to look like a home after having moved in over 3 years ago. I might leave my xmas tree up all year just because it makes me smile and, these days, anything that can make me smile is welcomed.

It's near impossible for me to write in the house, so I need to pack up my crap and head out to a coffee shop or brewery and get this book done. It's such a good story and it's semi close to being done. Getting motivated to do that is the issue. I have a few days off after the New Year so I will make every effort to get out and get some writing done. (Not just a blog post)

2019 has just been a shit show emotionally. Not many ups and a whole lot of downs. I'm so glad to see it in the rearview. I hope 2020 is better and things will turn around. I know there will be more tattoos so that is definitely something to look forward to. Hopefully Unshakable will get done in 2020 too. It's been a long time coming. I need good juju for my mojo.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.